Professional coaching: the 5 binding messages to neutralize
Compelling messages are messages that we integrated in childhood as answers to the question: “How can we be loved, appreciated, recognized?” ” In adulthood, these messages become automatic messages that “talk to us” without our knowledge and make us act in a somewhat “robotic” way. Let's look at the 5 main binding messages together and see what antidotes exist to neutralize them.
As a reminder, “La Minute Coaching Professional” is a series of fifteen episodes aimed at broadcasting practical advice for managers, leaders and talents who want to be more efficient on a daily basis.
Binding messages: definition
This theme was developed by Eric Berne, the “pope” of Transactional Analysis. These are messages that we integrated in childhood as answers to the question: “How to be loved, appreciated, recognized? ”In adulthood, these messages become automatic messages that “talk to us” without our knowledge and make us act in a somewhat “robotic” way. Let's look at the 5 main binding messages together and see what antidotes exist to neutralize them.The objective: to allow you to regain all the freedom to which you are entitled and to be truly yourself.Les 5 binding messages are:
- “Be strong”
- “Be perfect”
- “Have fun”
- “Make an effort”
- “Hurry up”
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Binding message 1: “Be strong! ”
This message tells us that in order to be appreciated, loved and/or recognized, it is important to ignore our weaknesses.The virtue of this message is that it causes the person concerned to behave like someone very responsible who makes few requests. This positive message becomes binding when the person concerned behaves like a very responsible person who makes few requests. has more and more trouble delegating and saying, “I'm not going to make it, I need help.”As a result, often around 40-50 years old, during professional coaching sessions, some coachees say to me: “My emotions? I don't know what they are, I haven't learned to listen to them. For me everyone has to be strong. I don't want people to complain, to show their weaknesses...”
>> To (re) see: where do our emotions come from?
Like every compelling message, “be strong! ”, under stress, it works like a drug.We will therefore have to learn how to use antidotes to disobey the binding message. In the case of “Be strong! ”, the antidote is found in the ability to listen to yourself, ask for help, be open, admit that you can be fragile, allow yourself the right to be surrounded. [
Binding message 2: “Be perfect! ”
This message gives us the injunction to always seek perfection. Of course this message leads people to be very focused on “quality”, attentive to details, etc...However, this message can become burdensome for ourselves and others by drowning us in a ton of details without being able to focus on the essentials. To neutralize this binding message, the antidote consists in accept that imperfection is not an eyesore, that the quest for perfection is not necessarily an ideal that must be achieved all the time, and that it's better to focus on what really works. Without exhausting yourself by rotting your life and those of others
Binding message #3: “Have fun! ”
Underlying: “Make us happy! ” This message represents the injunction to take care of others before taking care of yourself. Those affected by this message in its positive dimension are open to others and spend a lot of energy to be pleasant and to work for harmony on a daily basis.This message becomes a binding message when the person under the influence of “Do fun! ” completely forgets and doesn't take time for yourself at all. Therefore, the first antidote is to (re) give yourself time, (re) find activities that make US happy without taking care of others. In 4 words: learn to be selfish!
>> To (re) see:
Binding message no. 4: “Make an effort! ”
This message evokes the obligation to “work, work, work” to succeed. Easy success is worthless for people under the influence of this message. The people concerned with “Make an effort” are people very persistent, who do not relax their attention and who try again and again. The error concerning this message is the fact of get lost very easily in a maze of complications and useless work... The antidote will therefore be: “Move on! Move forward”. In professional coaching, for example, people who tend to complicate their lives are advised to reuse what they have already done, rather than starting from scratch each time.
Binding message 5: “Hurry up! ”
Taking your time is wasting time for people under the influence of the message. For them, being busy is a quality.To neutralize this message, you must make sure to take time to focus on the essential, the important. It will be long time later to take care of the micro-details!
Compulsive messages are a matter of a lifetime. They do what a person is, whether positive or negative. Through professional coaching in particular, we help people find the right balance to remain efficient without falling into excess. See you very soon!
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